Forgiveness, thoughts and observations ..

After spending the day with a wonderful group of women looking at how abuse still affects our decisions and thoughts…..I am sobered.  God in His infinite mercy and wisdom creates us to be beings who crave fellowship.  Ultimately fellowship with Him, Our Creator, and  then fellowship with others.  I realized today how within the church we create a culture that sometimes doesn’t allow for the reality of true healing.  Someone said today “Christ himself does not enter into relationship with us until we repent and acknowledge that we are sinners in need of Him as Savior.”  I have struggled for years with trying to reconcile what the Word says, what I have been told and trying to find what is right when it comes to relationships with people who abused me, especially those within family. There is so much I want to say but as I type it, it doesn’t seem to come out right.  At the end of all the erasing what I have typed here is the bottom line for me as best as I can articulate it…..God is the only one that can bring someone to repent.  He does not require me to be involved in someones life for them to repent from sinning against me.  Forgiveness is giving up my hatred for His love and my right to revenge.  Revenge is different than justice.  Forgiveness is not a license for continued abuse, nor is it a license for someone to deny and not face the truth of what occurred.  Facing truth does not mean a happy ending, it does not mean apologies or flowers and hugs.  Sometimes the truth is that people are sinful, stupid and without remorse or reconciliation.  Sometimes the truth is that two people can admit imperfections and move forward honestly in a healthy relationship.  Sometimes there is no happy ending for a relationship between father and daughter or siblings, aunts or uncles.  Happiness can come when the victim realizes that God is enough, He hurt when they hurt, He cried when they cried and He will heal as they are ready to face the truth about where they have been and what they have endured.  Beauty from brokenness is a strange but wonderful thing. I have longed for so many years for a good relationship in places where it is just not possible.  Today I see how that longing can take away from the strength of the relationships in my life that are good.  I will no longer try to please those who can’t be pleased and I will devote all my energy to healing and loving well those whom God has placed in my life to love, with His help. Thanks for reading.